If I could only tell you
by DuringMyDarkestHour
Summary: Penelope Garcia, is completely and utterly in love with her best friend Derek Morgan, but does he reciprocate these feelings? or will they lose their friendship over the connection she feels? (bad summary.) -M Sexual Content.
1. Stay the night

**well, this is something new and I'm not sure where it's going to lead, but oh well...;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

Penelope's eyes stopped searching the room as they landed upon her target, Derek. She could tell by the look on his face that he was hoping to get lucky tonight as he scanned the room with a lustful gaze, just a few short moments later when Derek made the connection between his and Penelope's eyes he was approached by two skinny, model-type girls, almost instantly Penelope began looking around the room again, she was also hoping to get lucky, but she wasn't at the club for any guy, the only man she had eyes for was Derek.

Derek noticed how Penelope was staring at him; he could see the lust in her expression, not unlike his own. Derek couldn't help but feel irritated when Penelope broke the connection, but as he came crashing down from his own World, the one where he had a hot blonde with amazing curves, and a quirky personality in his bed, he realised that there was two girls stood drooling next to him, grinding themselves into him on the dance floor.

He pushed past the girls looking straight ahead, and was devastated to find Penelope stood by the bar with her hands all over another man and her tongue down his throat, the devastation didn't last very long and soon turned into full blown anger, Penelope didn't even realise Derek was behind her until he grabbed her by the arm and shouted over the loud music ''What do you think you're doing?!'' Penelope's mouth made 'o' shapes but no words came out, she could tell Derek was angry, he'd told her time and time again never to trust a man you've just met, and most certainly don't go home with him, but when he spoke again she could tell this was a different type of anger, the man she had been with put his hand in front of Derek, and Derek pushed him away ''She's mine!, back the fuck off!.''

The man didn't speak; instead he put both of his hands up to say 'I surrender' and then walked across to the other side of the club. Penelope looked up at Derek in confusion, ''Are you okay?'' he asked. Penelope nodded, this was a side of Derek she hadn't ever seen, and she didn't know what to make of it. ''Walk with me?'' he asked, and they both walked outside together, they walked across the road, neither of them speaking a word until they came across a bench and sat down. ''Penelope, I-I, I never meant to do that I just, I didn't want you to go home with some guy you didn't know.'' Derek lied. ''Why not? You do it all the time...'' Derek tilted his head ''Yeah baby girl I do, but I can defend myself against a girl if she turns out to be crazy, do you really think you could take on a man?'' this infuriated Penelope, who did he think he was? Telling her she couldn't get laid but he could. ''You can't always protect me Derek, sometimes I will meet guys and go home with them, just like you do with girls.'' Penelope got up and got into a taxi. ''Penelope wait!'' he called out but it was too late, she'd gotten into the vehicle.

XXXXX

Just ten short minutes after Penelope got home, she'd managed to get changed into her pyjamas and sat down on the sofa, until she heard pounding, not knocking... on her front door, ''I'm coming!'' she shouted, and pretty much slammed the door open. Standing in front of her was the man she'd met at the club... he wasn't invited inside but walked in anyway. ''What are you? H-how did you know where I lived?'' she asked backing away as he kept walking towards her. ''I followed you home.'' He replied laughing. ''You left before I got the chance to invite you back to mine, and where's that little boyfriend of yours?'' Penelope looked around for an object to hit this man with, but there was nothing in reach. ''h-he's not my boyfriend.'' The man rubbed his hands together, ''then remind me to thank him for leaving you all alone to enjoy this moment.'' He reached forward pulling Penelope in, gripping her so tight that instead of having pleasure of her breasts against his chest, it was only pain. Before she could scream, he clamped his mouth down on hers and began walking into different things trying to get her against the wall. Only when he heard footsteps behind him, he realised that he'd left the door wide open, and with one strike to the back of the head with a baseball bat he was on ground. Penelope slumped down against the wall and began to cry her eyes out, the man was out cold, and Derek the saviour was already on the phone to the police.

XXXXX

The police had been and gone, and Penelope told them that she didn't need to go to hospital, and she wasn't hurt at all, when the front door shut Derek's eyes met Penelope's in such a sorry manner, he walked over to her and picked up a blanket from the sofa before wrapping it around her and pulling her into his chest, there she remained crying her soul and heart out for about ten minutes, Derek stroking her hair and back assuring her everything would be okay.

Derek took Penelope upstairs into her bedroom, and lay her down on her bed. ''Get some rest baby girl.'' She nodded and as he made his way for the door she called him back. ''Derek?'' he appeared in her sight again, ''yeah sweetness?'' she looked down and then back up to meet his gaze, ''stay with me.'' She practically begged. He chuckled to himself and replied with ''of course, I'll be right over there on the sofa.'' He pointed before trying to leave the room again. ''Derek?'' he walked back again, ''yes?'' Penelope grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the bed. ''Stay with me... in my bed.'' Derek was a little confused, but who was he to refuse his Penelope anything? He pulled his shirt off, revealing his entire godly chocolate abs, Penelope's eyes never left his chest, and he then proceeded to get into the bed.

''Derek what are you doing?'' Penelope asked ''I'm staying with you?'' he asked confused, ''yes I know that silly, but you can't wear your jeans to bed.'' Derek shook his head, ''I didn't exactly bring pyjamas'' Penelope giggled, ''Derek Morgan, if you think I'm going to allow you in my bed in jeans, then you must be mad.'' Derek shook his head again, ''No way mama, I have to I kind of-'' Penelope gasped, ''you're not wearing anything under those jeans are you?'' They both shared a laugh. ''No, I guess I didn't think I'd need them tonight.'' Penelope's heart broke a little bit. ''Well, you don't need them here either.'' She took a big risk, but she couldn't hold back any longer, this was the man she'd dreamt of for 6 years. ''Now get naked Derek Morgan.'' Derek looked up and when he looked back down he could see that Penelope was being serious, and once again who was he to deny Penelope anything? So without any hesitation he began to unbuckle his belt and then pulled the jeans down revealing all of himself to Penelope.

Penelope was hoping Derek wasn't looking her way, or he would have seen her blush, she'd never actually seen one that big before, every inch of Derek Morgan's body was like heaven on Earth just to look at. Derek smiled as he saw Penelope looking at 'little Derek' he could tell she was trying not to be obvious, but it just made it that much more interesting for him. ''Impressed mama?'' he asked teasingly, in a rhetorical question, but was surprised when Penelope actually answered, ''very'' she said without moving her eyes, Derek moved towards the bed again and lifted up the quilt, and slid in beside Penelope.

Penelope tried to clear her mind of what she had just witnessed, Derek Morgan, in his birth suit. Derek wasn't planning on any of this, but he just couldn't control himself. ''hey it's your turn to get naked now, I feel like you're overdressed.'' Penelope locked eyes with him, and she hoped he was teasing, because there was NO WAY on Earth that she was going to get naked for a man like Derek. He was so perfect, and she wasn't, Derek smirked raising his eyebrow, ''I'm waiting'' he whispered in a sexy voice. ''Or do I have to help you undress?'' this time he was teasing but would of willingly done it, all Penelope had to do was stare at him and that was enough to get him hard, so by now he was as hard as a rock and aching for release. Penelope gulped, and swallowed past the lump in her throat, he had to be kidding right? He didn't really want to see her naked, I mean after all they were best friends!, but Penelope was proved wrong when Derek leaned over and lifted her t-shirt up over her head and threw it to the ground right in front of her. ''Do you need help with the rest too? Or are you going to give me a show.'' He said grinning.


	2. A Million Times

**Couldn't resist putting up only one chapter and leaving it like that so here;**

**Warning: Sexual Content!**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds or, their characters;**

Penelope's heart was in her throat, she could feel the cool air on her body, the only material left on the top half was her laced red and black bra, she kind of hoped Derek hadn't noticed it but then he said ''God woman, you're going to kill me in that sexy thing.'' Could he read her thoughts or something?! Everything she wished he wouldn't do, he did... he crawled between her legs and looked into her eyes sexily, ''I'm going to ask you one last time, are you taking your clothes off? Or am I?'' Penelope breathed out and didn't answer, ''Well, I was kind of hoping for a show, but I guess you leave me no other choice.'' He said before reaching the waistband of her pyjama bottoms and pulling them down to her ankles. Penelope just froze, this was it... there was no going back, he can see her body, she was exposed.

''My, my Penelope... god woman! You're amazing.'' He said as his hand went behind her back and unclasped her bra before pulling the straps off of her shoulders and away from her. Bingo! Is all he thought, he desperately wanted to reach out and touch her, but was determined to finish unclothing her first, as he reached her centre, he could feel the heat, and then what really caught his attention was the glistening in between her thighs. ''Wow baby, you must want me as much as I want you.'' He said rubbing his erection against her thigh, Penelope tried to stifle a moan, but couldn't help but let it out.

Derek proceeded to pull her panties off, but first decided to tease her a little by rubbing over the material between her legs, loving the little panting noises she was making. ''Oh for gods sakes Derek, if you don't take me soon I'll explode!'' Derek sniggered, ''Now that's what I've been waiting to hear'' Derek pulled the last piece of material off of her body and tensed with the view he was no receiving, as he just gazed at her opening, Penelope pulled him down and their lips landed together in a fearsome crash, filled with passion and lust that hadn't been well disguised over the years, it was a rough kiss, Derek bit Penelope's bottom lip tenderly and loving, begging for access to her mouth, and as her lips parted to grant his wish, his tongue darted straight into her mouth dancing with hers, fighting for control.

As the kiss went on and on, Derek let his hands roam up and down Penelope's body, feeling every bit of her that he could, before pulling away from her mouth and kissing down her jaw line, to her neck and then down her body until he came across her luscious pink nipples, which were now hard, he sucked and bit on them both as Penelope moaned over and over again in pleasure, ''fuck me Derek!'' she shouted, and that startled Derek and he stopped all together.

He sat back on his side of the bed and looked at Penelope who was confused, and quite angry. ''What's wrong?'' she asked, her had coming to touch his chest and pull him back, ''Penelope don't... please.'' He said. Penelope began to think that this was all a mistake to him, and he'd realised it before the end. ''Is it me?'' she asked bravely, knowing she probably wouldn't like the answer. ''God no! It's just...'' Penelope was relieved that she wasn't the problem, but she was so turned on right now that she wasn't really paying attention to the next part, ''just what?'' she asked, ''Please don't laugh?'' he asked before taking a deep breath, ''Whenever I pictured our first time, and I have... a million times, we were making love... not just having casual sex, and well I want that, don't you?'' Penelope nodded, she did want that, but what she wanted even more right now was to have Derek inside of her, she didn't care how she just needed it.

''Okay then handsome, make love to me... please?'' she begged. If Derek couldn't say no to her on a normal day, how the hell was he going to say no to her when she was naked begging him for sex? Well... he wasn't going to. As quickly as it all ended, it started again, with his mouth crashing down on hers, only this time it was more passionate and loving, he kissed her neck, nipping slightly and her nails were digging into his back, there was no talking this time, Penelope was on her back and Derek slowly parted her legs, before lining up her entrance with the tip of his erection, he looked into her eyes and saw love, and he knew that was also her agreement for him to carry on, so slowly, inch by inch he filled her up with his entire length.

Penelope moaned, wrapping her legs around Derek's waist, and they groaned together as he reached her cervix, he stayed there for a moment letting Penelope get used to the feeling, and when she began kissing his shoulders, he knew it was okay to continue, with long, slow strokes Derek brought Penelope near to the edge over and over again, she was desperate for her release as was he, and so as he got near the end, he grabbed her hips, and thrust deep inside of her one final time before releasing deep inside of her, they were both in ecstasy, high in their own Worlds before their breathing returned to normal.

Derek collapsed beside Penelope and they drifted off to sleep together for briefly an hour or so before Penelope woke up Derek for a repeat performance, and then they both slept through until morning.

XXXXX

Derek was awake first, and he smiled as he remembered the events of the night before, and as he looked to his side, he saw Penelope beside him, her hair smelt like coconut, and he sniffed it before giving her a kiss on the cheek, he got up and got dressed and smiled down at Penelope's sleeping figure.

He knew he'd never be happier than he was now, but that was no excuse for his actions last night, so with his biggest regret, he knew that he had to do what was best for both of them and so before leaving he wrote her a note.

Penelope woke up as she heard her front door shut, and was angry to learn that Derek wasn't beside her anymore, so she couldn't show him the good morning she had always been promising... well she did show him a good night, twice! And she was sure there was plenty more to come from. As she put her robe on, she walked through to the kitchen, and noticed a note on the table.

_Penelope, baby girl... I don't know_

_Where to even start with this but I know what the conclusion is,_

_What we did last night, was a onetime thing,_

_Well, a two time I guess.._

_I took advantage of you, when we were both pretty drunk and I'm sorry..._

_I really am, please don't hate me for last night,_

_I love you angel, and I'm sorry._

_-D_

_Penelope's heart smashed into a million pieces at once, and she was finding it hard to br_eath, she wasn't drunk last night! She was far from it, the only thing she was drunk on was love, and he'd taken it away from her, tears flooded out of her eyes as she dropped the note to the floor, she remembered his exact words _''Whenever I pictured our first time, we were making love.'_' When she'd heard those words, they were music to her ears and she never believed that the first time would also be on the same night as the last time.


	3. The plan

**Sorry for the delay, back to three stories at once and exams;**

**I'm aware this is a majorly short chapter, and it doesn't really cut it, but I was in a rush to just get it out so I can focus on something else;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

''So you're telling me, that you told the girl that you loved her and then left?'' Desiree asked as her brother sat down next to her back home in Chicago. ''I never told her I loved her...'' Derek said sighing, ''But you do love her?'' Derek nodded, ''and you had sex twice?'' Derek answered quickly, ''It wasn't just casual sex... we made love.'' He didn't mean for those words to come out, but he knew he meant them.

''oh brother, what on earth are we going to do with you? You've never had more than just casual sex since your sexual life began, you must really want this girl.'' Derek sighed yet again, ''I do, it's just...'' Desiree's humour expression changed to a more serious one, ''just what Derek?'' Derek looked directly at her, ''she's my baby girl, and besides I don't think she feels the same way.'' Desiree tried to concentrate on her brothers words, and then all of a sudden it hit her.

''You mean Penelope?'' she asked, Derek who had just took a sip of his coffee, choked. ''What... how did you know?'' Desiree let out a smirk, ''Oh come on Derek, every time you come home it's not 'how's mama doing' it's all, I got into a fight with my baby girl and I don't know what to do, baby girl this, baby girl that... even mama knows that you love her.'' Derek was surprised with his sister, but then he thought about it and he did mention Penelope a hell of a lot.

XXXXX

''So he had sex with you twice and left?'' Emily asked with JJ stood right beside her, both of them amazed at what had happened after they left Penelope's after the 'incident'. ''Well yeah, I mean it wasn't actually supposed to happen, I asked him to stay and well... he didn't have any underwear on, and it got us both pumped up I guess.'' Emily laughed, ''and you're okay with all of this PG?'' Penelope looked into the eyes of her friends, and she knew she couldn't lie, so she shook her head and sat down on the chair behind her.

''Penelope, have you told him how you feel?'' JJ asked in a friendly voice, Penelope began to cry softly, ''I can't do that.'' JJ and Emily both sat either side of Penelope ''you have to, Penelope... we're profilers, and I think we can safely say that man worships the ground you walk on.'' Emily said looking at JJ who was nodding, Penelope looked at them both and said ''Don't be ridiculous, he used me because he could, he was proving his power over me, knowing I can't resist temptation, Derek Morgan certainly never was, and never will be in love with me.''

Emily and JJ burst out laughing, ''you are kidding right PG? That man can't keep his eyes off of you, it's a wonder this hasn't happened sooner, and don't you ever wonder why he cleaned up his act? And ALWAYS comes to see you whenever he gets the chance?'' Penelope snarled, ''He's my best friend! Of course he comes to see me..'' and with that she stormed out of her own office.

XXXXX

After another week of trying to persuade Penelope that Derek is completely and utterly in love with her, the team decided to come up with a plan with the Morgan family who had been trying to convince Derek the same thing. ''So you'll tell Derek?'' Emily said down the phone to Sarah. ''I promise you, he'll be there first thing Monday morning.'' Emily thanked Sarah and set the phone down; the team were all circled around her waiting for an answer. 'He's coming...'' The team all sighed in relief, ''Well, that's the easy part done, I mean how are we even going to get Penelope to do this, she already hates having to come in at 8am but expecting her to come in at 5am? That's extreme... I don't know if she'll bite.'' Reid said, ''I'll tell her there's an important discussion to be had, but no one can tell Penelope.'' The team all agreed and moved out of the almost huddle before Penelope walked in. ''what's going on?'' she asked as she heard stifled giggles coming from her team, ''nothing.'' Rossi said laughing quietly. Penelope raised an eyebrow, but chose to ignore whatever they were hiding from her and walked to hr office.

''Hotch are you sure this will work? I mean, by what Jayje told me, I hurt her bad... but I didn't know, I just, I thought that's what she wanted.'' Hotch cut Derek off before he could finish, ''you didn't even give her a chance to tell you how she felt; you took off... you left us, you left her, and I swear Derek, if I do you this favour, I expect you not to break her heart, but you also won't be breaking any tables in the office, because if I find out you two have had sex in there, you'll have Strauss to deal with.'' Derek laughed, ''Thanks man, I won't hurt her, not again.'' And with that Derek hung up the phone... he had some serious thinking to do.


	4. Fran's speech

**A/N: I'm so very sorry about the lack of work I'm producing recently, I'm absolutely trying my best to get these fics up and on the go, but with medical issues, and lack of muse it's quite difficult at times, and the weather has been quite stormy recently so it's unpredictable as to when I can get online, as always thank you for your kind reviews, they mean a lot to me and here is the next instalment;**

**Disclaimer: I own no rights to Criminal Minds, or their characters;**

* * *

After the phone call with Hotch, Derek decided he needed more than an explanation to apologize to his baby girl; after all she was his entire World and a simple apology and a quick kiss was never going to work, especially now he wanted to tell her how he felt, realizing or at least praying she felt the same way but if what the team had told him was true, he had left her absolutely heartbroken, and he didn't want that not at all, he just didn't want to be heartbroken himself, but thinking about it now, he would end up heartbroken anyway if he didn't tell her his true feelings. He sighed and closed his eyes leaning his head against the wall.

''Derek Morgan you get up here right now.'' Fran called to him from upstairs; there was a hint of something in her voice, not anger but more like excitement, what did she have to be excited about at 8pm? He huffed and walked up the stairs anyway when he got to the top he looked around, all the doors were closed. ''Momma?'' Fran opened her bedroom door and crooked her finger towards him telling him to come in. Before walking back in the room. ''Momma, what is all of this about and why does your bedroom look like it's been hit by a tornado?'' Fran walked over to her night stand and returned to stand in front of her son with a velvet box in her hand.

Derek's eyes widened so much that he thought they might pop out of their sockets. He looked his momma in the eyes and shook his head, ''Momma if that's what I think it is then it put it back where it belongs.'' Fran slapped her son on the arm ''ow, what was that for?'' Fran just took a deep breath and opened the box, inside was the most beautiful gift other than her children she had been blessed with, she had received. A glistening 15 carat diamond ring sparkled up into Derek's sight, he couldn't deny, his father had taste. Derek smiled at the kind gesture, and covered his mother's hands with his own; in the process he closed the velvet box and placed it on the cabinet beside them.

Fran looked confused and rather upset and Derek sat her down on the bed before following and sitting beside her, ''Momma, I love you but I can't take this ring from you.'' She smiled softly ''baby boy, your father would want you to give this ring to Penelope, to make her your wife and step up and be her man, he would be so proud of you.'' She said caressing her son's cheek. Derek lowered his mother's hand to his own before telling her the words he knew she would never want to hear in her life ''I can't take this ring from you, because it's not in my intentions to ever marry it's just not me mom, I'm so sorry.'' Fran looked more angered now than ever and Derek took that as his cue to leave, he bent over gave her a quick peck on the cheek and scurried out of her room and back downstairs.

He wormed his way into his coat and before he got the chance to walk out of the door his mother was stood there with an expression on her face that he had only ever seen when he was in trouble. ''Just where do you think you're going Derek James Morgan?!'' Yep he was in trouble alright. ''I need some fresh air, I'm going for a walk I'll be back soon.'' Fran pushed past him and stood in front of the door, ''not until I get some answers you're not!'' Derek frowned in confusion ''answers?'' Fran was tapping her foot against the floor by now. ''Yes Derek, what on Earth do you mean it's not in your intentions to marry?'' Derek grunted in annoyance. ''Momma, please can we talk about this some other time?'' Fran shook her head and pointed to the sofa, ''Sit your backside down on that sofa and tell me exactly what I want to know!'' Derek shrugged his coat off and sat on the sofa resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. ''I'm sorry, the marriage and baby thing is just not for me.'' Fran sat opposite him ''oh so now I'm not getting any grandbabies either?'' Derek looked up daring to meet her eyes and he sighed again, all she had ever asked for him to do was to wed a beautiful woman, which Penelope happened to be, and provide her with some grandbabies she could love and spoil rotten, and he couldn't even give her that, he felt like the World's worst son. ''I never meant to hurt you, or let you down I just can't live like that, tied down to someone hoping to love and protect them forever, but not knowing what's around the next corner... I deal with it all the time at work momma, husbands and wives tortured and killed, ripped apart, children kidnapped, families murdered for being the wrong race, I don't want to live with the constant 'not knowing' feeling, it destroys people.''

Fran began to see a little insight to what her sons problem was, and she sure as hell was not going to let the 'not knowing' ruin him being the happiest he's ever been. ''baby, don't you think every momma and pa feel like that? It's okay to be scared, your father was taken away from us when you were just a boy Derek, but having my babies with me to help me get through it is a constant reminder of the strong love we had for each other, it was undying and passionate, and well, look how you all turned out... my babies have flown their nests and are out marking their own piece of the World. Don't you want to stand on one side of the aisle nervously awaiting the arrival of your own beautiful bride? Turning around and watching her smile at you as she herself nervously walks down the aisle in her white gown, taking hold of your hand and never letting go again? Or watching her glow with the life that you've created together inside of her, placing your hand upon her stomach and feeling the kicks of your child, attending the scans and listening to the heartbeat of your precious little baby, holding him or her softly in your arms and looking into eyes that reflect your own? Kissing their little feet as they kick around smiling up at you, helping them to take their first steps in this World, and witnessing their first words, hearing a soft little voice calling you 'dada' and chasing you around as they begin to take their place on Earth, reading them bedtime stories and kissing them on the head as they fall asleep during the middle? Family vacations to the lake, like we used to do... baby, this is the stuff you should focus on, not the unknown.''

Derek didn't realize until his ma had stopped talking that during her speech he had pictured everything she had said with Penelope, their baby, the family times, the life they share... the truth is now that he thought about it all and his mind was at ease, he **did** want to listen to his child's heartbeat as he glanced upon the monitor, he **did** want to hear the first cries of the life that him and Penelope created, he **did** want to teach the baby how to walk and talk, and love it unconditionally. Derek Morgan **did** want a family of his own after all, and now that his mother had given him a reason to hope, he sure as hell hoped this is what Penelope wanted too.


End file.
